fragmentary biography

On television torment and real drama

Tormented people on television are always real pretty, even when they’re crying. And they get saved from the rain by some wholesome but sexy firefighter who also happens to be a secret millionaire. There might be a silver lining to real drama too, but it’s usually a lot less shiny.

On the ugly truth

If you have a lower tolerance for ugly people’s problems than you do for those of the more beautiful, does that mean you are a bad person or simply that you are damaged from watching too much TV? 

On knowing what’s best (for others)

The woman was going on and on about her boyfriend and his anger problems and her own abandonment issues and she just wanted to go over there, grab her by the shirt and yell at her face: “Lady, he’s never gonna change, you both clearly need therapy, so please shut up about your stupid relationship and get your ass up and leave him, you freakin loser!” But instead, she put on her sunglasses and tried to close her ears, thinking that people are just so lame. They have the lamest problems.

On love is never lost

Better to have loved and lost than to die a horny virgin.
As the old saying goes.

On dedicated obsession

Some people dedicate their lives to helping the poor, finding the cure for cancer or fighting for human rights. Others take that same exact amount of energy and use it to obsess about their relationships.

On practicing self-restraint

There’s a fine line between “wanna kill him” and “wanna call him”.

On the crises of 30-somethings

It’s interesting how most 30-somethings seem to think they have missed their one and only chance, and  even more so how they believe everyone else didn’t.

On the fury

The most infuriating is that fury is completely useless
if the object of your furiousness doesn’t care about how furious you are.

On Lifetime crap stories

“… and then he goes ‘I just can’t be in a relationship right now, I don’t want that kind of commitment’! And then, I finally get to that doctor’s appointment and it’s like ‘don’t worry too much now, but there might be something pretty wrong with your heart’. My heart! It’s like I’m in one of those fucking straight to Lifetime Television movies!”
“No, because then you’d actually also be knocked up and fired from your job.”
Well, it’s only Friday…”

On good grief

There are five stages of grieving: sadness, apathy, ice cream, alcohol and fury. 

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